Well folks, I have gone and done it. It's April 25th in my zone 6 garden, and my first round of tomatoes is properly planted and watered. I am super excited, and the early pangs of maniacal tomato lust have begun.
If you are not a gardener, you are saying to yourself, "Lady, you are a FREAK. Tomato lust? Seriously? Besides, what's the big deal, anyway. I can get in my car right now and go to the store and get an organic tomato. I have a Whole Foods."
If you are a gardener, you are saying to yourself, "Lady, you are an IDIOT. You're going to lose those to frost, or at least stunt their growth. Everybody knows you don't plant summer crops until at least mid-May, and even then, Mike McGrath says June 1st is better."
To that I say the following:
1.) Whole Foods - well goody for you, but I am not impressed. If you are eating a tomato in April in New Jersey, it is likely not grown in New Jersey, picked green, ripened in-transit with gases, and even after all that, winds up being a variety that doesn't taste that great. AND even if it was grown in New Jersey and picked ripe, it was in a greenhouse, and it's still not the same. If you love tomatoes, and I mean LOVE tomatoes in a somewhat inappropriate way, you must must must grow your own, pick them perfectly ripe, and eat them straight from the vine. Which leads me to my next topic.
2.) Tomato Lust - There are two kinds of tomato lust: the kind that ends in -itis, and the kind that ends in -ism. Tomato Lustitis is a summertime temporary virus. It starts in July and August with the onslaught of the "Jersey Fresh!" signs, and the popping up of random farm stands. You hear your tires squeal at you swerve to the side of the road, hop out of your car, and start buying them by the bushel. Tomato sauce, tomato slices, tomato salad, tomato SALSA, SUN-DRIED Tomatoes, FRIED GREEN tomatoes, T O M A T O I C E - C R E A M!!!! And yet the instant your tomato frenzy reaches a fever pitch, it violently recedes, leaving in its tsunami-like wake nothing but a few leftover skins, and the dull realization that if you see another tomato you will literally throw up in your own shoes.
Tomato Lustism is something quite different. A cross between religion and affliction, Tomato Lustism is a quiet dark force lurking far beneath the surface of many completely normal looking human beings. You might THINK you're having a conversation with someone about current events, but that person is off in his or her own world thinking, "Will my San Marzanos produce enough this year for canning, or will I be stuck with the Romas? And is the cage I built strong enough for the Brandywines? And why won't this person stop talking about Darfur when I have mulch to refresh?"
Not only do these victims think obsessively about tomatoes, but they also possesses a need to grow more tomatoes that ripen earlier, take up less space, and taste better than anyone else's tomatoes. Taking a page from the Book of Dennis Leary, tomato lustism does not lead to other vegetable addictions, but to carpentry (see above image). Only 2.5 people reside in my house, yet a minimum of ten tomato plants will be planted, eight of which will be indeterminate heirloom varieties plus the two token early hybrids, just so I can brag about having garden frnesh tomatoes in early July. Did I lose you at "indeterminate"? It's OK. That means that you are free from the above mentioned illness, and should remain so ... unless you keep reading these posts and find your mind wandering...
3.) In my final point, I speak to other gardeners. Just how do you plant tomatoes in April in a zone 6 garden? Why, with Wall-O-Waters of course! This is my favorite tomato trickery. I start seeds under lights in the basement in February, put out the WOW's in the raised beds in March or April, and ta da! The WOW's warm the soil so you can get your plants in early, and then protect them at night from chilliness. Of course, for best early tomato results, you should put in an Early Girl, or some other super early hybrid, but at the moment I've got 3 San Marzanos, 2 Sugar Snackers, 1 Brandywine and 1 Purple Calabash ready to plant. So maybe none of these guys will be producing in June (my ultimate tomato goal), but my caprese salad is going to be the cat's meow. Now, if only we could get a handle on the homemade mozzarella cheese...but that's another day, another blog entry.
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5 comments:
The line about Darfur and your mulch needing to be refreshed was "quote of the week" for me...I wish my Polish-wonder @ home was doing something as constructive as gardening & blogging (two great American past-times), instead of spending & spending...Tom (your devoted-husband, my mentor) must be really proud of you and the tomatoes you create...You just got yourself a fan or a blogcatcher or a blogwatcher, or whatever you call someone who reads blogs...Read you soon !
laura you are so, so funny! I don't have your'e obvious passion for gardening but you could make changing a light bulb sound entertaining and funny. Good luck with your blog and business and tell Tom and Sophia, Chris and I said hello!
tomato lust away if you must. I enjoyed destroying a little bit of the earth this weekend eating my heirloom tomatoes shipped in from Canada with Mozzarella from a small farm in Vermont, some Olive Oil from Italy, some hydroponically grown (who knows where) Basil, "Balsamic" vinegar (probably not real), and Kosher Salt.
So you keep waiting, and I'll eat away....
Hey! What are those fancy bags your tomatoes are wearing? Should I have those?? What the heck is with this weather anyway? Damn, I hate winter!
those are the wall-o-waters! check out #3 in the entry for a link. you fill the individual tubes with water, and it collects heat during the day and releases it at night, keeping the tomatoes from getting too cold. you should get those for next year! you'll be planting in april and eating tomatoes in june/early july. i got mine out late this year though - damn blogging!
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