Play Farmville and Harvest Real Crops! Seriously!

This looks like more of a mess than a garden, right? I agree. But this weedy bed is going to keep me chock full of tea and spice all winter long, and with very little effort on my part.

What we have here is the result of some mismanaged German chamomile and cilantro. When properly grown and harvested, a chamomile plant will produce white flowers with golden centers that make a lovely relaxing tea either from the dry or fresh flower heads and leaves. I put the leaves of cilantro, one of the earliest spring herbs, in every Mexican dish I make. Both plants are annuals and will not be back next year, unless you play Farmville on Facebook.

It's so simple. All you have to do is diligently plant your chamomile and cilantro plants in spring with the best of intentions. Then, go play Farmville, and get carried away planting imaginary crops and accumulating imaginary livestock. Find others like you, and gift each other limited edition collectibles. Spend all your time begging for parts to build various and sundry outbuildings, while expanding your farm and working yourself up into an absolute frenzy. "Hurry, before time runs out! I only need 3 nails and a wooden board to finish my stable, and if you don't send me more gold pieces I won't be able to trade them for that shamrock castle. Oh God, and then there's the spring eggs! I NEED MORE EGGS!!!!!!!!!!"

Whew! That was intense. You decide to take a breather and step outside only to find that it's three months later, an entire season has passed, and your spouse has taped divorce papers to the seat of your pants hoping that once you pulled your head out of there, that you might notice them. Whatever. Hater. And what about the chamomile and cilantro? The chamomile plant shot up two feet and collapsed onto its side under it's own weight, scattering dried flower heads everywhere. Same goes for the cilantro, except it's topped with clusters of round seeds. (And the seeds of cilantro, by the way, are the spice called "coriander", but you don't know that because there are no options to grow herbs on Farmville, so you buy them from the grocery store for $5 a bottle. That is, of course, when you remember to eat.) Disgusted, you leave them there and return to the house. All that time and work, wasted! Real plants suck. Besides, you need to expand your chicken coop anyway.

In the meantime, Mother Nature and Father Time are texting each other, and making fun of you.

ME: "OMG, I am totally going to screw with Angela! LOL."
FT: "LMAO! I'll help you. Get Brian too."

Sure enough, you pass by your herb patch in October after a day in traffic court - "But I HAD to speed officer! My cranberries were about to wither and I don't have enough Farmville cash to buy the unwither spray!" - and what do you see? Your fallen seeds have formed a fresh crop of baby cilantro and chamomile! Maybe you will have that homemade tea and salsa after all! You go on Facebook (only for a minute!) to update your status about what a great gardener you are, and find out that you are already LAST in your list of friends for collecting limited edition tree ornaments, and Maribeth even has a snowy ground cover already. Oh, no no no. It is ON.

It's a beautiful April morning when you emerge from rehab with only a promise to your sponsor, and a random twitching in your clicker finger that the doctors can't seem to do anything about. Since you're not allowed on Facebook, you'd like to take up real gardening again, but you remember the highs and lows of last year and are hesitant. Remember that time you dug a hole, and put a plant in it, and packed the dirt in around it? The toil and the struggle of it, all in vain? With reluctance, you look at your little herb patch, sure you will see only the animated cartoon version of unplowed land. But instead, you see a scattering of little bits of green. Some are weeds, but some are actual real-life chamomile and cilantro plants! The seeds from last year's mature plants fell to the ground, settled comfortably for the winter, and germinated when conditions were just right. They didn't need you for any part of the process. The symbolism of new beginnings is not lost on you, and you feel invigorated. This time it will be different! All wrongs will be made right! This would make a GREAT blog entry. You run for your camera .....

"LOL, dumbass!" chortles Mother Nature.

Happy gardening to you all, virtual or otherwise!

Laura

[Disclaimer: In the middle of writing this entry, I had to go harvest my grapes before they withered because I'm helping on the "Very Berry Field Trip" co-op job AND I've been saving for the border collie for weeks now! But in my defense, my real life grapes and raspberries also got watered today and my hands currently smell like freshly harvested chamomile flowers. It's the best a gal can do. See you next time!]