Once again, if you did not read JMDH part I, here's the quick story. I mailed both my mother's and grandmother's gifts for Mother's Day in the same package. Each gift was clearly labeled as to who got what, but they weren't wrapped. I assumed my mother would give my grandmother her gift. My mom emailed me to thank me, and the following madness ensued.
Email #1:
From: Joyce
To: Laura
Thank you for the card and ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS candy. I told
Grandma you sent her candy when we talked last night. I will bring it
to her the next time I go for a visit.
Email #2:
From: Laura
To: Joyce
i'm glad you liked the candy. does grandma like chocolate covered cherries? i always remember eating them at her house, but i don't remember if she liked them. i remember she liked maple though, but the cherries took up the budget.
Email #3:
From: Joyce
To: Laura
I must confess, I ate the cherries bec. carmel is not one of my
favorites. Hopefully, it is one of hers!!!
Love you, J.
Email #4:
From: Laura
To: Joyce
sorry, i couldn't remember besides the pretzels what you like. doesn't grandma have dentures? i don't think she can eat carmels if she does. i hope you didn't eat ALL the cherries on her, and if you did, you'd better tell her that they were meant for her! if neither of you can eat the carmels save them for me.
Email #5:
From: Joyce
To: Laura
I didn't eat all of the cherries since I only got them yesterday and
decided to ration myself to one a day bec. they are soooo good and it
would be nice to let that great flavor linger for a few weeks. What a
great treat!!! I will give grandma the caramels and the pretzels and
ask her if she wants them, if not then you can have them and I can pick
up something else from Gertrude Hawks for her.
Email #6: this is where I foolishly cc my dad, thinking he can help
From: Laura
To: Joyce
CC: Jim
JOYCE ANN, YOU SHARE THOSE CHERRIES!!!! i mean it! the pretzels and the carmels were supposed to be for you, as the placement of the cards clearly indicated. if you want to barter with grandma who gets what, that's fine, but you'd better let her have some of those cherries if she wants them. boy, that'll teach me to send multiple gifts in one box. you are a crafty crafty little woman.
i am alerting dad by cc so he can enforce the fairness of this trade mission.
Email #7A: my dad responds to me, but does not cc my mom
To: Laura
From: Jim
I am a little confused here. I assume your mother received some food that
she is hiding and/or hoarding. This is the first I'm hearing about it. You
should know by now she doesn't share when it comes to delicious treats. She
has always hidden food in the bedroom when she doesn't want to share. Your
grandma is on her own, your mother never did listen to me anyway. I guess
we will be seeing you in a few weeks. Take care.
Email #7B: my mom responds to me, having not seen my dad's email to me
Why are you telling on me? Your father never even saw the candy bec.
it's hidden in my bedroom. Boy, I can't believe you are doing this. I
DON'T WANT TO SHARE THE CHERRIES!!! This is just awful.
Email #8:
From: Laura
To: Joyce
you just made me laugh right out loud. i KNEW you were probably hiding them in your room. you're lucky grandma doesn't have email, or i'd tell her too. in fact, if i had uncle walter's email with me at work i'd tell him so he can tell grandma, just in case you knock dad off in his sleep before he has a chance to talk. uh oh, now i realize i put dad's life in jeopardy. well, hopefully all those years of private investigator shows will give him some tips on survival.
Email #9:
From: Joyce
To: Laura
I hate to tell you this but your father is not going to do anything to
help you because a long time ago he HAD to live with you but now he HAS
to live with me. Because, I'm the one who puts a smile on his face (it
has to do with sex) he will not upset the applecart and my dear, whether
you realize it or NOT you are living in another state. On the serious
side, I did not eat another choc. cherry so there is only one missing
from the box. BUT I still haven't decided if I am going to give them to
grandma yet and you CAN'T make me. If I decide to act like a grown-up
then she will get to taste a few but if not, they will remain hidden in
the bedroom and she can struggle with the caramels. You just gave me an
idea. Now that you know my hiding spot, I may have to look for another
one!
J.
Email #10:
From: Laura
To: Joyce
re: dad smiling - gross. i did not need to know that.
re: chocolates - on second thought, i'd better not reproduce because i hear insanity skips a generation and i'll probably just have the luck of birthing some child who will some day stab me in the back and steal my mother's day gift.
Happy Mother's Day to all you honorable women out there, who will one day be thrown under the bus by your own spawn!
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The Big Bad Blog Beginning: Marketing Gone Awry
So awhile back, I was talking to my home business and web marketing diva. I know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking, "Big deal! Everybody has a home business and web marketing diva." Maybe so, but if you're not talking to Dina at http://www.wordfeeder.com/, then you've got the wrong gal.
Since I have the right gal, Dina said, "You should start a blog to help promote your website."
"Really? How come?"
She then said something along the lines of "Hoogety boogety search engine optimization foogety moogety page hierarchy loogety toot toot meta-tags and strategic links...." and many other extremely smart things. Please keep in mind Dina has never actually said "hoogety boogety" to me in any context. What she did do was give me a brief explanation of web marketing that made complete sense, but the wisdom of which I would completely mangle upon retelling. The relevant gist was as follows - a blog, when properly done, can be a great tool to drive traffic to my website.
I mulled this over for quite some time. Could I write clear and informative articles about the decorative painting business? Er, sure, I think. New techniques, preferred paint and brush brands, offers of free templates.....Ooh, but how bout the funny fellow painter ladies I see at my teacher's studio? Or the nutjobs who I meet at craft shows?
And then I started thinking about other humorous stuff, like the time my mother swiped HER mother's mother's day gift from me and refused to give it back. And the stories from my grandfather about the 8-10 different ways he's accidentally electrocuted himself throughout the years, and yet still stands. Or about the time I spent half a day convinced that drunk people snuck into my yard during the night and dug up 48 newly planted impatiens (until I realized a deer ate them).
That's about the point that I realized that I actually want a blog to show the world how hilarious I am, and if I can throw some web marketing in there, so be it. I can make it work. For example, the two funniest things I do are 1.) garden organically 2.) allow people to speak to me. Since I paint flowers and creatures and landscapes, does it count as web marketing if I blog about growing flowers in a landscape while shouting obscenities at creatures? You betcha! And when my mother does something bizarre, should that go in there too? Absolutely. Ah, yes. Yet another blog is born.
So in the end, I will market my website the way I organic garden - seek out the advice of experts, change it all around, and find myself continually shocked when my system doesn't work. Effective? No. Funny? Oh yes indeed! Keep reading.....
Since I have the right gal, Dina said, "You should start a blog to help promote your website."
"Really? How come?"
She then said something along the lines of "Hoogety boogety search engine optimization foogety moogety page hierarchy loogety toot toot meta-tags and strategic links...." and many other extremely smart things. Please keep in mind Dina has never actually said "hoogety boogety" to me in any context. What she did do was give me a brief explanation of web marketing that made complete sense, but the wisdom of which I would completely mangle upon retelling. The relevant gist was as follows - a blog, when properly done, can be a great tool to drive traffic to my website.
I mulled this over for quite some time. Could I write clear and informative articles about the decorative painting business? Er, sure, I think. New techniques, preferred paint and brush brands, offers of free templates.....Ooh, but how bout the funny fellow painter ladies I see at my teacher's studio? Or the nutjobs who I meet at craft shows?
And then I started thinking about other humorous stuff, like the time my mother swiped HER mother's mother's day gift from me and refused to give it back. And the stories from my grandfather about the 8-10 different ways he's accidentally electrocuted himself throughout the years, and yet still stands. Or about the time I spent half a day convinced that drunk people snuck into my yard during the night and dug up 48 newly planted impatiens (until I realized a deer ate them).
That's about the point that I realized that I actually want a blog to show the world how hilarious I am, and if I can throw some web marketing in there, so be it. I can make it work. For example, the two funniest things I do are 1.) garden organically 2.) allow people to speak to me. Since I paint flowers and creatures and landscapes, does it count as web marketing if I blog about growing flowers in a landscape while shouting obscenities at creatures? You betcha! And when my mother does something bizarre, should that go in there too? Absolutely. Ah, yes. Yet another blog is born.
So in the end, I will market my website the way I organic garden - seek out the advice of experts, change it all around, and find myself continually shocked when my system doesn't work. Effective? No. Funny? Oh yes indeed! Keep reading.....
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3 comments:
I Finally get to see the actual emails- yes! However, you should have considered editing out the part about the smile on your dad's face because I was in the middle of breakfast when I read this.
i know! but i wanted to leave it totally unedited, regardless of the painful truth. believe me, it hurt me more than it hurt you.
Does this blog service have video capabilities? I would like to see the dramatic reading. I will have to start looking through loved ones drawers to see which edible gifts they may be hoarding - thanks for the tip! - Andy
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