Showing posts with label Starting Seeds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Starting Seeds. Show all posts

Monday, April 8, 2013

My Seed Planting "Schedule"

In most areas of my life, there's usually a large difference between what I Should do and what I Actually do. For example, I Should just pay the stupid money and get the DVR box. Instead, what I Actually do is memorize the time and channel of my favorite shows and plant myself in front of the TV, like I'm from the 60's or something. I even have to watch commercials! The horror! And then when life gets in the way and I miss my favorite show, I loudly and adamantly complain about it, as if no solution exists.

My refusal to have DVR power doesn't really stem from my inherent cheapness. OK, it mostly stems from my inherent cheapness. But as I see it, it's also a Buddhist lesson in non-attachment. So I miss a program or two (or an entire series, or a complete pop culture revolution). It's just a freaking TV show, right? It's not really the end of the world. And if I catch it the following week, I can pretty much figure out what I missed. It's somewhat more important that I Actually take care of my kids, spend time with my husband, and enjoy life in the moment it's happening.

The whole Should/Actually process works the same for me in the word of gardening. I Should plant seeds in the garden according to this schedule (and so should you, zone 6'ers):
  • Mid-March: peas
  • Early April: radish, spinach, lettuces, onion, potatoes, cilantro
  • Mid-April: beets, kale, greens, carrots, parsnips, turnips, chamomile
  • Early May: basil
  • Mid-May: beans
I Actually am planting seeds in the garden according to this schedule:
  • Mid-March: peas
  • Sometime In April: everything else, on a day or series of days when the weather is nice/baby is sleeping/Sophia is being babysat/we don't have visitors/we aren't visiting anyone/important body parts are injury free.
So maybe I'm not the most detailed gardener around. And I'm sure I'd get better output if I would actually get a plan and stick to it with no exceptions (for those of you who love a plan, you can get your own customized seed starting/planting schedule here) . However, I feel I can take seed planting liberties for a few reasons. First, I generally do my spring gardening in well-draining raised beds with soil that's been amended. This soil heats up faster and is ready to work earlier than normal. Because the drainage is good, I don't worry about the seeds sitting around rotting if the soil is still a little too cold. I also don't worry about planting seeds too late. If I get a smaller harvest than I should, eh, no big deal. I can always let the crop bolt, produce flowers, go to seed, and then let the seeds naturally dry and fall where they want to. When the soil cools down again in September, the seeds wake up and produce the crop that I should have had in the spring. This happened to me last year with a delicious lettuce called mache. Not only did it produce plants in the fall, but somehow the seedlings overwintered and we are NOW eating fresh delicious salads from the lettuce bed (and pathways and other beds and everywhere else the seed went, as evidenced in this picture). My point is, don't get hung up on schedules. Just get out there and get dirty!


Specifically, my current outdoor seed planting accomplishments to date are:
  • Peas, Super Sugar Snap & Burpeanna Early: 3/22
  • Raised bed #1: Brassicas (Cabbage Family) 4/6
    • Turnip, Golden Ball
    • Kale, Dwarf Blue Curly & Lacinato
    • Radish, Watermelon, Salad Rose, Easter Egg II, French Breakfast
  • Raised bed #2: Chenopodiaceae (Beet family) 4/6
    • Beets, Chiogga, Touchstone Gold, Cylindra
    • Spinach, Avon Hybrid, Salad Select
    • Swiss Chard, Burpee's Rhubarb
  • Raised bed #4: Solanaceae (Potato and tomato family) 4/7
    • Potatoes, Red Norland & Kennebec
  • Underneath the grapevines: 4/6
    • Cilantro
    • Chamomile, German
    • Fennel, Bea
(grapevine beds on the left, four 10'x4' beds on the right, pizza box pathway down the middle. still looking for hay to cover the cardboard!)

Veggie garden to-do list:
  • Manure on asparagus bed
  • Plant onion bulbs asap
  • Plant lettuce and carrot family seeds at some point
  • Lay out garden paths with cardboard then cover with hay
  • Set up soaker hoses
That's all for now, but that's plenty. Quick, you have five minutes before the kids get home - go plant something!

Laura




Monday, March 18, 2013

Seed Starting: Heirloom vs. Hybrid vs. Wacky

"I don't have time!" I said to myself. "I have too much other shit to do!" I declared. "I'll just have to buy actual plants this year." Decision made.

But then I found myself again at Home Depot for a bag of dirt. Sixty dollars later I am carrying out an infant, a bag of dirt, and a pile of seeds. (Note: infants not for sale at Home Depot)

First, a lesson in seed terminology. Second, my list of seeds started this week including an explanation of the bizarro ones.

Heirloom vs. Hybrid Seeds
The above terms used for plants and seeds describe how a plant has come into the world. Heirloom plants are older varieties whose seeds have been saved and passed down over time. The plants are "open pollinated" and seeds from an heirloom vegetable will produce plants that have the same properties as the parent. In the case of tomatoes, heirloom plants also might be "determinate" which means that they grow to only a certain height and their fruits ripen all at once. "Indeterminate" varieties grow more like vines, and the fruits ripen in succession and produce all season long. All the heirlooms I grow are indeterminate, which means we have a fabulous time ever year figuring out the best way to support them while they grow. But more on our trellising adventures later in the season.

On the other hand, hybrid plants are intentionally produced by cross pollinating two different varieties of plants in hopes of developing a version with specific qualities of both parent plants. Seeds from a hybrid plant will not produce the same exact plant as the original. Hybrid plants are often bred for convenience (small plant sizes, disease resistance, fruits that package well and don't bruise) rather than flavor, which is why I usually go heavy on the heirlooms. However, I do think that a hybrid home grown tomato is better than what you can get in the store, so my "Beaverlodge" tomato variety is an early hybrid that I can usually get to produce in early July.

My Heirlooms:
  • Pepper - Corno di Toro
  • Tomato - Polish Linguisa
  • Tomato - Great White
  • Tomato - Purple Calabash
  • Tomato - Yellow Perfection
  • Tomato - San Marzano
  • Tomato - Sugar Snack
My Hybrids:
  • Tomato - Beaverlodge
  • Eggplant - Little Prince
My Wacky Stuff (Another note: "wacky" is not a seed type. I just don't know what these things are and am figuring that you don't either):

  • Root Parsley "Hamburg" and Celeriac/Root Celery - We're big fans of root vegetables here. Big. And there are way more interesting root vegetables than carrots. These two are delicious, and add a fun twist to mashed potatoes or a roasted veggie platter. They both taste like their edible foliage, but are milder. In these varieties, the roots are the stars.  
  • Tomatillo - Fundamental to salsa verde, tomatillos are a Mexican food staple and a member of the same plant family as tomatoes. One plant produces like crazy, but I can never stop myself from planting two of them.
  • Broccoli "Romanesco" - I suck at growing broccoli so I don't have high hopes for this. I might grow it in the greenhouse to try to avoid the inevitable cabbageworm attack. If it does actually grow, it will produce a whole head of lime green, pointy florets that look similar to Madonna's cone bra in her Blonde Ambition tour.
  • Shiso, Green - I've never grown this and am not sure I've even seen it in real life. Shiso is a traditional Japanese cooking herb with aromatic cinnamon-flavored leaves. Also comes in purple. If it works, we might see some fancy new recipes coming from Tommy-San.
  • Malabar Spinach "Red Stem" - Another newcomer to my garden. This is a tropical vine that grows in the heat of summer, and is described as spinach-like. I love the idea of a spinachish plant for summer, so we're trying this.
  • Epazote - Herb native to South America and used in Mexican food, especially bean dishes. This has the potential to be a rotten weed in these parts, so grow in a pot and watch for volunteer baby plants in your garden beds. I haven't had a chance to cook with this, but it's supposed to help bean related digestive problems. Here's to hoping.
  • Cavolo Broccolo Spigariello, called "leaf broccoli" - I got these seeds in the Christmas Tree Shop of all places. It attracted me because the whole rack of seed was all in Italian and I couldn't identify the plant in the picture. Google tells me that this has little broccoli heads but is really grown for the leaf and harvests like kale. It's a cut and come again plant that will grow all season. Let's see if it works.
  • Fennel, Bulbing "Trieste" - Tom is totally obsessed with fennel bulbs for cooking and insists we grow as much of this as possible. We never use all that we grow. I used to think that was fine because the plant would flower and go to seed, but seeds never seemed to appear. It turned out that some fennel varieties are grown for seed and others for the bulb, but there are no varieties that do both. If you know of one, dear reader, please inform me! In the meantime, we will be growing the "Trieste" variety for seed, and also the ......
  • Fennel, Seed "Bea" - ..... and this one for seed. I named it "Bea" after a sweet gal named Bea Kunz, owner of Sage Hill Farms, who graciously sent me this seed. I can't wait to grow it and harvest my own! If I get a good enough crop, maybe I will take a page from the book of Bea, and share my harvest.
  • Mystery Seed - This is thanks to my excellent labeling skills. What is it? Who knows. It could be a kind of basil. Or maybe columbine. As of now, it is planted, and we will just see what develops.
Thanks for reading, and we'll see you next week!

Laura






Sunday, October 23, 2011

Secrets to a Great Fall Harvest

Written By: Tom DiGangi, Jr.
Photos By: Laura Knott & Tom DiGangi, Jr.

Each autumn, friends and family respond with quizzical looks and surprised comment when we report on the garden’s output in October, November and – yes, sometimes – December.  When most folks are raking leaves and tossing rotting jack-o-lanterns, we are harvesting greens, peppers, root vegetables, and an assortment of herbs.

What then is the secret to a great fall harvest, you may ask?  Actually, it’s at least three secrets.

First, the gardener must be lazy or preoccupied, and fail to harvest in summer.  See previous blog posts, such as this post , which shall serve as testimony to the truism about us being lazy or preoccupied.  This year, we simply didn’t harvest our fennel bulbs when they were ready in July – preoccupied I suppose.  Maybe we were too busy watching the Philadelphia Phillies magical 102 win regular season.  Then nature took its course. The large stalks began to die in the heat of summer, and all hope was lost for a harvest.  Yet we let the dying plants just stay in place – lazy I suppose.  Don’t repeat this to the kids, but our inaction was ultimately rewarded.  Now, young bright green fennel plants are emerging around the brown and brittle stalks.


Unfortunately, this is not metaphor for the Phillies season, as they failed to sprout anew in the playoffs, instead just dying-off after the regular season.  But, at least I have fennel for football season.  Sunday football will feature whey-fed pork sausage sandwiches (from our friends at Bobolink farm) with sautéed fennel.  I can taste it already.  That sandwich could benefit from some peppers.  But, peppers - you say - are summer fruits.  They can’t join the party.  This brings us to secret number two.

Invest in a fabric “greenhouse” or plastic “coldframe” to keep your summer plants going into winter.  The theory is that a transparent cover over your planting beds allows sunlight in to warm the soil during the day and traps warm air throughout the night.  If the greenhouse is too great an investment, then pick-up some cheap cloth row covers that you use to literally cover your crops (i.e., a sleeping bag for plants).  You can remove them in the morning to allow direct sunlight and replace them in the evening to keep off the frost.  They won’t work too long into the cold months, but will definitely extend the growing season.  With row covers on, chances are the pepper plants, like the Giant Marconi seen here,


will last longer than my beloved Philadelphia Eagles will remain in the NFL playoff hunt.  However, defeat in sports is much easier to digest when followed by a sausage, fennel and pepper sandwich.

Let’s say that you don’t have the patience for row cover management, or you're just not that into peppers.  Then, focus on secret number three... next year.

Plant a garden that produces more than just summer season favorites like tomatoes, eggplant or cucumbers.  Add in cool weather crops like celery root, fennel, horseradish, leeks, peppers, pumpkins, spinach, swiss chard and turnips.  In our garden, these are all still going strong this fall.  Some of these crops can be planted in spring for an early summer harvest, and may produce a second harvest in the fall.  The fennel and swiss chard did just that for us this year.  The multi-season life of chard is evident in this photo.


New crisp leaves appear from the tops of the roots, now revealed from the snipping of leaves from those roots all year long. 

Come to think of it, that swiss chard sautéed in a bit of garlic and olive oil would go really well with the sausage, fennel and peppers.  Now, if we could figure out how to grow beer, then we would really have something to make us feel better about Philadelphia sports this autumn.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Seed Starting Update: The Analysis of Failure

Once again, it's been a month since a post even after I swore I'd be doing weekly garden journal updates. Although my first crop of seeds fared mostly well, I had a few large exceptions. What better way to learn from mistake than by a thorough self-deprecating analysis, right?

TWO RULES FOR SUCCESSFULLY STARTING SEEDS:

1.) Don't accidentally delete your business website, or undertake a kitchen renovation, or pick up a completely consuming fiction trilogy (damn you, Lisbeth Salander!) or anything else that might cause you to totally forget to water your seeds. News flash: seeds need to be kept evenly moist. Duh .... loser! (C.Sheen)

2.) Don't decide that all seeds generally follow that same rules for soil, temperature, and lighting needs. Well, actually, you can, and get fairly good results. But you will have failures and will wind up disappointed. Here's my real life example.

My seed mix consists of 1/3 compost, 1/3 peat moss and 1/3 perlite. Once sown, I water seeds from the bottom, mist spray the top, and then cover with plastic to create a warm humid environment. They are placed under fluorescent lights which are on all the time. The seeds vary in age, depending on when I bought them. I put a heating pad under the peppers, husk cherry, epazote and culantro to keep the soil temp at about 70 degrees.

This method worked just fine for my tomatoes, epazote, chervil, and fennel. But not all my planted seeds worked as well, and here are my seed failure reasons.

  • Inconsistent Watering: Once again, don't underwater. You will kill your stuff, or diminish germination rates. While we're on the topic, don't overwater either. Overwatering rots seeds, and can lead to fungus and disease trouble. Although my fennel and chervil germinated fine, the both perished the weekend we went to the Philadelphia Flower Show. The show was great, but my seeds did not appreciate my neglect.
  • Old Seeds: My peppers barely germinated, and the parsley and the sage didn't germinate even a bit. One possible reason is seed age. I have ten year old tomato seeds which are still growing up every year, but pepper seeds only last a year or two. All seeds have the production year stamped on them, so pay attention or you're wasting your time.
  • Soil Needs: I took a whirl at culantro (also called "false cilantro") seeds having no idea how they were going to work. Not surprisingly, they didn't work at all. Some brief googling revealed that culatro seeds are not only sensitive age-wise (they need to be used within months of purchase) but they prefer a pure peat moss starting mix with no seed burial. They also take some extra time. I'm going to retry these and see what happens.
  • Seed Treatment: Certain seeds need to be tricked into thinking they are in their natural habitat and growing conditions in the real world. "Stratification" is the art of bringing seeds out of dormancy by applying levels of cold and moisture to imitate winter conditions. One way to do that is by keeping seeds between moist paper towels in the refridgerator. Another way is to just direct sow the seeds where you want them instead of starting them inside. This is another potential reason why my poor parsley failed.
I started two more flats this past week and for the most part, I will probably not learn from my mistakes. So stay tuned!


Sunday, February 6, 2011

I'm With Fergie. Let's Get It Started!


Even though I'm from Pennsylvania, I'm not referring to the single most important Sunday event in winter. Nor am I referring to the famous burrowing rodent from the western part of the state who pretends to be a psychic. No. Neither of these events leave me with any optimism or hopefulness after this beastly Northeastern winter we've had (and will likely continue to have, regardless of what the garden-gobbling varmint claims). My only source of hope lies in my dingy basement, since it is officially time to start early tomato, pepper and herb seedlings!

Seed starting is the official beginning of my personal spring, which is also the beginning of this year's grand garden schemes and resolutions. To hold myself accountable, 2011's garden resolutions are as follows:

1.) The meticulously chopped and bagged leaves from last fall will be placed on the garden for mulch AS the plants go in, as opposed to AFTER all weedy hell has broken loose.
2.) Trellises will be built and installed AS the plants go in, as opposed to AFTER the plants have hit that gawky teenager growth spurt that leaves them as impossible to manage as human teenagers.
3.) The blog will be ACTUALLY UPDATED and used regularly as a place to record relevant information, instead of being a high school creative writing project. Wherever she may be, Mrs. Timms is not likely reading this and recording my grade in that giant green ledger teachers used in the 80's.
4.) Thanks to this handy online garden planner, I swear to actually document what I plant and where I planted it, abandoning my previous habit of jotting stuff on random pieces of paper, losing it, and having no idea which variety of vegetable I am harvesting.
5.) Lastly, "Laura's Organic Gardening Adventures" will now just be "Organic Gardening Adventures" since Chef Tommy is doing more than his fair share of writing, cooking and hauling stones around. Time to give credit where credit is due.

I mean it, people. I really do. And where I would normally spend the next hour concocting a creative, funny and interesting last paragraph, I will now proceed to resolution #3. Let it be known that on this date, seeds were started in my homemade potting mix (equal parts compost, perlite and peat moss), packaged into plastic grape tomato containers saved from the grocery store, and placed under 4' fluorescent bulbs in my hideously ugly seed starting shelving unit shown here.
Seeds started today ..........
Tomatoes: Garden Peach, Sugar Snacker, Husk Cherry, Beaverlodge, San Marzano
Artichoke: Imperial Star
Fennel: Fino
Peppers: Ring-O-Fire Cayenne, Piquillo
Herbs: Common Sage, Italian Parsley, Chervil, Epazote, Culantro

I put the peppers, epazote, culantro, and artichokes on top of a heating pad, since they seem to need a little more heat to germinate. I have no idea whether the sage will germinate since it's a perennial, and those are usually tricky to start from seed. I'm just going to wing it and see what happens. The rest should be no big deal.

I'm most proud of the San Marzano seeds, since I filched them from Sicily (SSSSHHHHHHH!) in 2003 and the original seeds are still germinating well. I find this variety to be smaller and denser than other San Marzano seeds I've purchased elsewhere. Hopefully I'll get a good crop and save some of the seeds so I can get some fresh stock. I'm equally proud of the Sugar Snacker. I bought this as a plant from a big box store6 or 7 years ago and have never seen it since as a plant or seed. I save the seeds every year. The fruits are tiny, bright orange, and the sweetest cherry tomato you will ever taste. The vines themselves are monstrous, uncontrollable, and produce like crazy. These jerks topple every trellis I've ever made, but they are always worth it.

I usually consider these tomatoes and peppers my "early" plants because they will be put out under protective coverings called Wall-o-waters about two months earlier than is appropriate for my area. The goal, of course, is home grown tomatoes in June. The Beaverlodge variety is an early maturing hybrid with only 55 days to harvest according to the seed packet. So IF I do everything exactly the way I'm supposed to do it (not likely) tomatoes in June should be a cinch this year. Of course, hybrids with that early a maturity date were bred for speed, not flavor, so they probably won't be the most fantastic tasting tomatoes ever. But that first tomato from the garden tastes great every year, no matter what.

That's my story for today folks! By now the game should we winding down, marking yet another winter milestone. And even though I was out today trying to shovel through ice so the mail lady could drive to the mailbox to deliver me her goods, I was using Grandpa Knott's rusty old garden spade to do it. Let the 2011 garden season begin!


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Garden Like MacGyver: Seed Starting On the Cheap

The answer is "no" to my 80's reference friends who wonder if I will be teaching you how to make a groundhog-killing bomb with duct tape, matches and a q-tip. But why not use Richard Dean Anderson's beloved character as a source of inspiration for taking those garden supply marketers to task? "Buy these exotic seeds to grow under this elaborate and overpriced lighting system! Grow your seeds in these exact containers using expensive supplies that look suspiciously like crap you have sitting around your house!" Would RDA fall for that? Hell, no! He would have solved the problem, got the girl, and started rolling the credits before you could say "additional charges apply due to shipping weight."

I admit, nothing beats the thrill of that first credit card swipe of the season, especially if you are like me and feel that buying said supply is almost the same as completing the project. But all these little doo-dads and accessories add up fast, and many of them are convenient but unnecessary. Here are some of my favorite ways to re-purpose household stuff for use in your early spring gardening projects.

Instead of buying: Ultimate Seed Cart by Territorial Seed Company - $900 + shipping
Build your own from Home Depot supplies:
plastic slotted utility shelving $35
3 4'long fluorescent shop lights plus bulbs $50
twine $3

OK, so mine is uglier. I admit it. But you're growing seeds, not entering a beauty pageant. Plus with the money you save, you could go to the spa ten times and then enter yourself in a beauty pageant. So there.

Instead of: Seed Starting Kits by Jiffy, Burpee, etc. - $10 and up


Use from the recycling bin:
1.) Blueberry and Strawberry plastic domed containers, and aluminum foil baking trays or pie plates OR
2.) replace the berry containers with egg cartons, yogurt cups or last year's seed trays plus plastic wrap



The key to seed starting is creating a warm humid environment, which is why mass produced kits contain a waterproof bottom tray, a perforated seed cell tray, and a clear plastic dome. The same growing conditions can be created with any kind of catch tray on the bottom, and the berry container, which is the seed tray and dome in one. I like these for lettuce mixes and herbs that grow as a patch as opposed to
an individual plant. For plants that may need to be transferred to bigger pots before being put in the garden, like tomatoes, use the egg cartons or small yogurt cups with drain holes punched in. This will help protect the root systems during transfer. Cover with the plastic wrap to keep in the moisture until the seeds germinate.

Instead of: S
eedling Heat Mat - $20 and up, depending on the size and brand name

Use from around the house: a regular old heating pad

Some seeds, like peppers, need a heat boost to germinate. A heating pad won't have the bells and whistles of a mat made only to germinate seeds, but it will get the job done. And then when you throw your back out planting those peppers, you can watch it all come back full circle. Cool, huh?



Instead of: Adorable Victorian Bell Cloches - $10 to outrageous, depending on size and material

Use from the recycling bin: 2 liter soda bottles with the bottom cut off

Is it ugly? Yes. Is it effective? You betcha! Just like a cloche, the soda bottle makes a mini greenhouse environment and protects the plant from pests. Unscrew the top for air venting. AND when you're done using the soda bottle as a greenhouse, turn it upside down and jam the spout into the dirt at the base of a newly planted perennial or shrub. Fill it water, and let the plant drink the way it wants to - a lot, but slowly. Then, put down the hose, get your own drink, and water yourself at whatever rate and in whatever amounts you choose. Congratulations! You've figured out how to water your plants while doing nothing.

Finally, if you're looking for a way to manage all those seed packets, consider a regular photo album with plastic pockets, like so. With this system, you can alphabetize and organize to your anal retentive heart's content, and still make it fit nicely on a shelf when you're done.
It's possible that the only thing of interest you learned from this entire article is that the carpet in my office is a lovely shade of pink. That's fine. I simply encourage you to do your own MacGyvering the next time you take on a garden project. It can't hurt to save money, save something from a landfill, and save the spirit of his moving theme song from obscurity while you're at it. Thanks, YouTube!









The Big Bad Blog Beginning: Marketing Gone Awry

So awhile back, I was talking to my home business and web marketing diva. I know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking, "Big deal! Everybody has a home business and web marketing diva." Maybe so, but if you're not talking to Dina at http://www.wordfeeder.com/, then you've got the wrong gal.

Since I have the right gal, Dina said, "You should start a blog to help promote your website."

"Really? How come?"

She then said something along the lines of "Hoogety boogety search engine optimization foogety moogety page hierarchy loogety toot toot meta-tags and strategic links...." and many other extremely smart things. Please keep in mind Dina has never actually said "hoogety boogety" to me in any context. What she did do was give me a brief explanation of web marketing that made complete sense, but the wisdom of which I would completely mangle upon retelling. The relevant gist was as follows - a blog, when properly done, can be a great tool to drive traffic to my website.

I mulled this over for quite some time. Could I write clear and informative articles about the decorative painting business? Er, sure, I think. New techniques, preferred paint and brush brands, offers of free templates.....Ooh, but how bout the funny fellow painter ladies I see at my teacher's studio? Or the nutjobs who I meet at craft shows?

And then I started thinking about other humorous stuff, like the time my mother swiped HER mother's mother's day gift from me and refused to give it back. And the stories from my grandfather about the 8-10 different ways he's accidentally electrocuted himself throughout the years, and yet still stands. Or about the time I spent half a day convinced that drunk people snuck into my yard during the night and dug up 48 newly planted impatiens (until I realized a deer ate them).

That's about the point that I realized that I actually want a blog to show the world how hilarious I am, and if I can throw some web marketing in there, so be it. I can make it work. For example, the two funniest things I do are 1.) garden organically 2.) allow people to speak to me. Since I paint flowers and creatures and landscapes, does it count as web marketing if I blog about growing flowers in a landscape while shouting obscenities at creatures? You betcha! And when my mother does something bizarre, should that go in there too? Absolutely. Ah, yes. Yet another blog is born.

So in the end, I will market my website the way I organic garden - seek out the advice of experts, change it all around, and find myself continually shocked when my system doesn't work. Effective? No. Funny? Oh yes indeed! Keep reading.....