Cast of Characters: Ma'am, Sir & Family

Last week I trudged out into the garden after a week's vacation at the shore, and grimly surveyed the damaged. The trifecta of disease, poor gardening skills, and a rock-star style drunken orgy thrown by our resident groundhog had combined in a perfect storm of disaster. My trellises were groaning under the weight of enormous San Marzano sauce tomatoes which were still producing, even though a wilt was yellowing and killing the leaves. My adorable stand of corn was overtaken by some sort of bizarre Chinese long bean that I had planted, and in a display reminiscent of the recent Olympics, the beans proceeded to climb the corn, knock it over, and then march relentlessly and perfectly in-sync towards the sunflowers. But the worst was easily the result of Frank the groundhog and his buddies. Taking advantage of vacationing humans, the zucchini and cucumber plants were feasted on down to the stem by the raucous bunch, leaving only miniature smashed guitars and tour bus skid marks in their wake. As I approached, the last of the slightly drunk and partially clothed groundhogettes started home on the long waddle of shame.

As I added up the amount of hours and physical strength that would be needed to bust the place back into shape, my spirits sank. Where to begin? The overgrown dying tomatoes? The (clearlyy underage yet creepily strong) Chinese bean vines? In my depression I decided to take the path of least resistance and weed the flower bed that didn't really need much weeding, just to feel like I accomplished something. I stuck my hand into the tangle of nasturtiums, nearly crapped myself in shock & fear, and then gave a whoop of joy. Ma'am was back!Are you scared yet? Don't be. Ma'am is a garden orb spider, not dangerous to humans but a real super ass-kicker when it comes to annoying bugs that cause trouble in the garden. Ma'am is appropriately named, because I feel that if she was ever given the power of speech, I would probably actually crap my pants, and then say "Yes ma'am!!!" to whatever directive I was given. I mean, I know she's not dangerous, but still. YIKES! Not appearing in this picture is her husband/boyfriend/partner, the aptly named Sir. He is about a third her size, takes up residence in his own mini web somewhere on the outskirts of hers and is generally good for only one thing. Clearly, I need to finish this paragraph with a zingy one liner about married life, but, as is often the case with other marital activities, I'm simply too tired to bother. You finish it. And happy fall gardening to you!

Question of the Week/Month/Quarter: Starting a New Garden

So in a separate personal email, infamous commenter of recent past "szg" asked for some input on starting an organic garden from scratch. I wrote back and told him I would answer him as my question of the week/month/quarter, and he advised that I needed to slap it on the table and go large with this blog thing. He also said I should call out Mike McGrath, and then claim ownership of various professional degrees which I do not actually have. So out of deference to szg's marketing techniques, here is the (revised) question of the week/month/quarter that I will be answering.

Since I started my blog, I have gotten thousands of emails (one) from all over the country (Trenton) from first-time or wannabe gardeners. They all (same one) ask a question similar to the one I got from szg in Central New Jersey that asked "Laura, why are you like the smartest person ever? And how come that punk Mike McGrath has a radio show and you don't? And what advice would you give someone starting an organic garden from scratch?"

Well, szg, as ever, I am humbled by the overwhelming response to my blog, and would be nowhere without my adoring fans. I appreciate you taking the time to offer your insightful and completely accurate commentary. But now, on with the show, if you will.

1.) Build a raised bed

The basic tenant of organic gardening is that you garden from the soil up, not from the plant down. So if you start with loose, well-drained soil soil rich in organic matter and nutrients, your plants will be less prone to disease and pests. Now, maybe you can walk outside, stick a shovel in the ground, and conveniently have this perfect ideal soil. That could happen, and if it did, well, you suck. And congratulations. But if it doesn't (or even if it does), consider the merits of the raised bed.

Raised beds warm up faster in spring (allowing for earlier planting), are easier to plant in and weed, and allow proper drainage. If you're building the bed and adding fresh soil instead of tilling the soil you have, you will be avoiding much of the pre-existing perennial weeds, not to mention sticks, rocks, hunks of clay, broken bottles, unidentifiable plastic things and other disturbing items you find when digging too deep in New Jersey. My neighbor found an entire car buried in his yard. Seriously.

So now I told you why to build a raised bed, but I failed to mention what it is. A raised bed is simply an extra 12 to 24 inches of dirt raised above the regular soil line in your yard. Ideally it is 4 feet wide and reachable from all sides so that you never have to step in your wonderful loose soil in order to plant or harvest. It can be as long as you have room for, or have the energy to build. It can have sides, or just be a raised berm. The sides should be some rot-resistant non-chemical-laden material, like bricks, rocks, cinder blocks, cedar, redwood, composite wood-like stuff, etc. No railroad ties allowed, and organic types are still hesitant about treated wood, even though the new treatment method doesn't use arsenic. You can even google "buy raised beds" and find kits that include the corner brackets and the material. For example...

2 tier plastic raised bed from gardener's supply catalog
raised bed with cedar from eartheasy shop
composite raised bed from eartheasy shop
raised bed corner brackets - you supply the wood

I realize none of this material is cheap, and all of the fancy products in the world aren't going to save you from the fact that you STILL have to remove or turn over the sod in the area where you are going to build your bed. Knowing that may push you in the berm direction, or may make you abandon the idea of raised beds all together. If you decide to till and plant in existing soil, make sure you get a soil test to determine what your nutrients your soil needs, whether you need to add amendments to balance the pH level, and determine from there if you need to till in compost or leaves or other organic matter to make your soil more friendly to plantings.

But if you can't stand the thought of tilling, amending soil or digging out sod, there's one more option. Lasagna gardening! There's a whole bunch of organic gardeners who don't believe in tilling or digging at all. The quick and dirty (heh!) version of no-till gardening is that you kill the grass by putting down thick layers of newspaper or cardboard, let it break down for a season, and build your bed on top of that. In the book "Lasagna Gardening", Patricial Lanza explaines the system she invented of building her raised bed and putting in alternating layers of different types of organic matter 2 feet high, and then putting the plants straight in them. If this sounds good to you, looks like you have to do some book shopping!

2.) Plant stuff (not too much, and follow the freaking directions on the label!)

What??? All this time and energy making the perfect damn organically specified raised bed, and then your advice is "don't plant too much"??? Look, you're the one who asked. I'm just saying that you might get carried away out of the gates and make things too complicated. If you're new to gardening, focus on a few standard and somewhat easy crops to manage so you concentrate on getting it right the first time. Here are my thoughts for zone 6 plantings:

Spring: Peas can go in the ground mid-March even through snow and ice, and are usually pretty easy to manage. Plus you get to start your long gardening career as trellis builder, which is its own drama. Buy lettuce seedlings from your local nursery and the ground will usually be ready for them in April. Lots of lettuces can be cut an inch above the soil line, and what's left in the ground will regrow for more harvesting until it gets too hot.

Summer: Pick your two or three favorite veggies to eat, and plant them. Tomatoes, peppers and maybe a sqush plant will give you plenty to keep up with. Again, just buy the plants instead of worrying about starting tomatoes and peppers from seed the first year. It's easier, and there are tons of options at all the garden stores. This is the time when spacing really becomes important, especially if you're going to do some of the monsters like zucchini and cucumber plants. Read the package and do what it says .... right Dina???

Fall: If you don't totally hate gardening by now, put in some spinach and radish seeds. They grow quickly and don't mind the cold. Plus you get extra bragging rights at your dinner party when you're serving garden fresh salad in October.

3.) Do everything right, then figure out what you did wrong

You follow all the advice, and find yourself screwed anyway - disease, drought, bugs, rodents, hungry neighbors, whatever. Something is bound to go awry, and when it does, don't worry. It's just the beginning of your own organic gardening adventures! Here are my favorite resources to help you on your way....

Web:
Organic Gardening Magazine's website
Garden Web Forums - join and post questions
Radio Show Host Mike McGrath on WHYY

Magazines:
Organic Gardening Magazine, of course!

Books: (Clearly I am a fan of J.I. Rodale and all his works. However, I'm just about to pick up some stuff by Jerry Baker to see what he's about. Seems like a bit of a kook, but then again, most gardeners are.)
Rodale's Chemical-Free Yard & Garden
Encyclopedia of Organic Gardening
Insect, Disease & Weed ID Guide
Lasagna Gardening
You Bet Your Tomatoes!

So in summary (you were begging for that phrase, I know), my recommendation for the first time gardener is to build a raised bed, fill it with good soil, follow spacing guidelines for your crops, and get your Google fingers ready. Oh yeah, and have fun! Really, it's fun. And besides, how bad can it be? Not worse than my garden, I assure you.

Product Placement For Which I, Unfortunately, Receive No Compensation: the Earth Box

Two questions: What is the Earth Box? And why are they not paying me to promote their product?

Well, I guess I'm not getting money or other valuable prizes because they don't know me, or care what I say. But I harbor no ill will. And as for what is the Earth Box? We must got back to the beginning - to the one and only Walter Petrosky.

Walter Petrosky is my 70+ year old Polish grandfather from the Scranton area who has 70+ years worth of wisdom to relay. Aside from being my favorite person, my grandfather is my greatest literary influence because of his particular style of leading his stories with the punchline. However, the punchline in his case usually doubles as the moral of the story. For example, my favorite stories by my grandfather begin with this line, delivered with complete sincerity in a strong Scranton accent: "Laura! (Lare-uh!) You gotta be careful with electricity (lektricity). [Pause - lean in for dramatic effect - commence pointing] Because one time, me, Bobby Touch, Jackie Mancuso (Mancuse) went up the (da) Mountain (Moun-un)...." and then things get weird, and there's something about stealing railroad tracks from the coal mine, an exposed 220 volt wire, and now my grandfather has curly hair. That's the best of the "beware of electricity" themed stories, although it would seem my grandfather has electrocuted himself no less than 5 times, and still lives so that we might all learn from his errors. He has also planted garlic upside down and nearly gotten bitten by a rattlesnake while picking blueberries ("We were up the mountain! We got paid five cents a pail! We shared one pair of shoes!"). Hints from Heloise, look out! These are good tips, all delivered Walter Petrosky style.

So how am I going to bring it back around from an elderly Polish man to the Earth Box? Here I go people, check me out. My grandfather has always sponsored my hobbies. Apparently in college, he felt my hobbies were eating peanut butter and drinking A-Treat lemon-lime soda by the case. Walt had that covered. Then when we bought our first house and took up renovating, we received a constant supply of Sears Craftsman tools. Now that gardening is my latest preoccupation, he's on the lookout for new and better gear for me at all times. So when Johnny Schwartztraubber's tomatoes became the talk of the block, my grandfather was on it.

It was explained to me, with much directional gesturing, that Johnny had bigger and more tomatoes on two plants than the guy with the garden across the street, or so-and-so from down the block, and the reason was that he was planting his tomatoes in a raised plastic box on casters. Not one to dilly-dally, I immediately became the owner of two such contraptions.

The Earth Box is essentially a raised bed on wheels. It's a self-watering system, which means that the bottom of the box is a reservoir that holds water and keeps the dirt above it on a perforated platform. The soil absorbs water as needed, keeping itself evenly moist. All you have to do is keep topping off the water. It also comes with the soil, the casters to move it in and out of the sun, a tight fitting plastic mulch cover and fertilizer. The complete instructions detail exactly how many of each type of a variety of seedlings should be planted, how they should be placed in the box and where the fertilizer goes. It's pretty fool-proof and is great for decks, since it's easy to roll around. An additional accessory kit comes with the trellis for tomatoes or other tall plants.

It's fool-proof all right, but how did I fare? Well, pretty ok, even for me. FOR ONCE, I followed the directions when planting my lettuces and only put in as many as they said and arranged them properly. I didn't even water regularly, but was still rewarded with an entire spring's worth of pest-free delicious lettuces that I cut an inch from the root so that they regrew. They were twice the size of the same lettuces that I planted in the garden at the same time. It really and truly rocked. Now, as far as the tomatoes, I couldn't resist the urge to plant only two, and put in three, which was not good. I also didn't keep watering regularly, resulting in something called blossom end rot, where the tomatoes gets black soft spots. The lack of regular watering and tight spacing stressed the plants, and now they picked up some sort of wilt. However, the tomatoes I did get were the first of the season, I believe because the box heats the soil sooner, speeding up the growth process. The tomatoes are still coming, but the ones in the garden are in better shape.

My final assessment? If you are a new gardener, or have limited space in the garden, or have ample deck space for containers, or just feel like it, get yourself an Earth Box system. And when you do, take a bit of a time out to thank Walter Petrosky for his enthusiasm, his dedication, and his knack for self-electrocution. Clearly, it has worked out for the best.

Notes From the Chopping Block: Tom's Pea & Garlic Scape Soup Recipe

Tom and I genuinely have a good system here: I grow food and he cooks it. Luckily for me, he is a better chef than I am a gardener. The following words are his, including the smart-ass remarks about yours truly.....


Long-in-the-tooth pea & garlic scape soup

What does the cook do when the gardener falls asleep at the wheelbarrow, and allows fantastic, organic produce to enter the agricultural equivalent of our “golden years?” Make soup. It is easy and surprisingly delicious. Even though the fruit, vegetable, tuber, or whatever isn’t pretty and tender anymore, it is still loaded with the flavor that only accompanies food that is freshly harvested.

So, here is just one of many simple soup recipes, and the basic technique works for just about anything coming out of your garden.

Ingredients
Peas (shucked with pods reserved)
Garlic scape (feel free to use the tough parts and save the tender ends for something else)
Tarragon
Water
Salt (please, not the iodized stuff with the picture of the girl and the umbrella. Go out and get yourself some good sea salt, or grey salt, or kosher salt, anything but the other stuff)

Procedure
Coarsely chop the pea pods (not the peas), the garlic scape and the tarragon. Place in a stockpot, and cover with water. Bring to a boil, and then lower to a simmer. Let it cook, covered, for about 30 minutes or so. Let cool. Puree the cooled stock in a blender or food processor. Pass the pureed stock through a sieve. You now have a stock – congratulations!
Prior to serving, return the stock to a simmer and add the peas and salt to taste. Let cook for just a few minutes until the peas are slightly softened, but retain some bite. Garnish with a pinch of fresh tarragon and perhaps a drizzle of olive oil or cream (not both). Serve with crusty bread.