Welcome Back to the Autumnal Gourds

Tom DiGangi, Jr.

One great thing about living in a part of the world that experiences seasons is that there is always something different to eat. Each fall, we enjoy the transition from the fresh fruits and crisp salads of summer to the more mellow flavors and softer textures of slow-cooked hearty vegetables that fit with the cooler weather. The earthy sweetness of onions, leeks, chards and especially the wide range of gourds, from acorn squash to pumpkins, are perfectly appropriate for cooking in this autumnal style. Butternut squash is a favorite as it is easy to find at markets - if you aren’t growing your own - and it tastes great.

Risotto with Butternut Squash and Smoked Mozzarella Cheese

On a trip to Italy a few years back, Laura and I discovered that Italians don’t make a big deal about varieties of squash. For the most part, it is all just “Zucca.” We learned this from a gregarious and rotund chef at a small osteria in Campania. Due to the wine involved in the dinner, I remember very little about the place. In fact, I only remember the chef was gregarious and rotund because of a photo – embarrassingly enough – of Laura and me seated on his lap (rotund), while he sang songs (gregarious). In addition to being our chef and host, he was essentially our gondola and gondolier, all in one enormous package. It’s weird, I know, but true.

The other thing I remember was the “Risotto di Zucca con Scamorza” or “Pumpkin Rice with Smoked Mozzarella Cheese.” It was November, and the season for zucca was in swing, so we had to try it. It was fabulously creamy and a lit bit smoky. Scamorza is a lightly smoked cheese, traditionally made by hanging balls of mozzarella over a hearth for a short time. I have had versions of this cheese in the States, and they are usually too smoky for my taste. So, for this recipe I combine smoked and fresh mozzarella to keep the flavor subtle. Butternut squash plays the role of zucca.

Ingredients

1 ½ Cups Arborio Rice

1 Small Butternut Squash (seeds removed, shredded on the large side of a box grater)

1 Medium White Onion (finely diced)

6 Leaves Fresh Sage

¼ t. Freshly Grated Nutmeg

3T. Extra Virgin Olive Oil

6T. Butter

1 Cup White Wine (not cooking wine)

6 Cups Chicken or Vegetable Stock (hot)

4oz. Fresh Mozzarella Cheese (shredded on the large side of a box grater)

4oz. Smoked Mozzarella Cheese (skin removed, shredded on the large side of a box grater)

¼ Cup Grated Parmigano Reggiano Cheese

¼ Cup Finely Diced Flat Leaf Parsley

Black Pepper (freshly cracked)

Salt to taste (sea, grey or kosher)

Procedure

In a large slope-sided pot, melt only 2 T. of the butter with the olive oil over medium heat. Add the onion, squash, sage, nutmeg, and two heavy pinches of salt, and cook slowly for a few minutes until the onion and squash soften a bit and the onion begins to turn translucent. Add the rice, and cook for a few minutes until the rice changes color a bit. Add the wine and turn up the heat to medium high. Cook the mixture while stirring, until the wine evaporates. Add a ladle-full of stock and cook while stirring, until the stock is absorbed. Repeat adding stock, a ladle-full at a time, until the rice reaches the desired consistency. I like risotto prepared “al dente” or “to the tooth.” The rice should be creamy, not soupy, and each grain should have a bit of resistance when bitten.

Remove from the heat, add the three cheeses, parsley and remaining 4 T. of butter. Adjust the seasoning with salt and black pepper. Stir to incorporate.

Serve immediately, with a subtle white wine. Old world white wines such as Chablis, Soave or Frascati are ideal. New world versions of Chardonnay and Sauvignon Blanc are often too heavy and too grassy, respectively.

An Afternoon Snack - Scented Geranium Cake

Tom DiGangi, Jr.


An afternoon snack - Geranium Cake

Who needs afternoon tea and biscuits when you can have espresso and geranium cake? I sure don’t. And, it is all because of Laura’s over-exuberance for herb planting. Let me explain. No, let me sum-up, for all you “Princess Bride” fans.

To my surprise, some varieties of geranium are actually edible. And, this year, Laura produced more edible geranium than anyone could possibly use. To make the excess even more excessive, the plants just won’t die. It is mid-October and Laura’s “Old Fashioned Rose Scented Geranium” is going strong. She has already put its intense combination of rose and citrus fragrances to use as potpourri, to make teas, and even to spice-up a mixed drink. Just ask her about a recent concoction of vodka, lemon, lemoncello, simple syrup and seltzer, finished with geranium. But, I digress.

In a sheer act of desperation to reduce the mountain of geranium accumulating on our counter top, I experimented. What follows is a twist on the barely sweet cakes that often represent the Italian equivalent to the baked goods served with English afternoon tea. It is roughly based on a recipe from Mario Batali for rosemary cake, which is excellent and can be found in “The Babbo Cookbook.”


Geranium, Lemon and Olive Oil Cake

Ingredients

4 Eggs
1/2 C. Sugar
1/4 C. Light Brown Sugar
2/3 C. Extra-Virgin Olive Oil
2 T. finely chopped fresh geranium leaves
1 Lemon (zest and juice)
1 1/2 C. All Purpose Flour
1 T. Baking Powder
1/2 t. Kosher Salt

Procedure

Preheat oven to 340 F.

In a bowl, combine the flour, baking powder and salt. Set-aside.

Using an electric mixer with the whisk attachment, beat the eggs and both sugars until the mixture thickens, and turns foamy and pale. With the mixer running, gradually drizzle in the olive oil, and then add the geranium, lemon juice and lemon zest. Finally, add the flour, baking powder, and salt mixture, with the mixer on low speed. Scrape the sides of the bowl and finish combining.

Pour the now combined contents of the mixing bowl into an oiled 10-inch loaf pan, and bake in the oven for about 45 minutes. The cake is done when a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Let cool for a few minutes, then remove from the pan to finish cooling on a rack.

Serve a slice as an afternoon snack, ideally with a topping of fresh whipped cream, sorbet or a fruit jam. Espresso, “corrected” with a bit of Sambuca, would be a fine accompaniment. If coffee isn’t your thing, consider vermouth, port or vin santo as excellent alternative beverage choices.

Cooking With Corn

It’s September and our garden is finished producing corn, or “maize” if you want to get all technical about it. The problem is I am not finished consuming corn. I love the stuff - on the cob, in a soup, as a muffin; you name it and corn works with it. Frankly, our garden just can’t keep up with our demand.

Thankfully, living in semi-rural northwestern New Jersey, there is no shortage of part-time farmers growing the miraculous maize plant. So, the other day I stopped by “Crazy Cooter’s” to pick-up a few ears of the good stuff. Crazy Cooter’s is the unofficial name of the junkyard / auto repair shop / farmer’s market just down the road from our home. Only in this barely-tolerant-of–the-law corner of the state would a business trifecta like Crazy Cooter’s be permitted to exist, let alone flourish. Yet, we are unaffected by the sight of oil stains and the sound of air compressors in such close proximity to our fresh produce. Where the unexposed suburbanite might frown on this establishment, those of us who have become accustomed to it say, “Bring on the corn, Cooter.”

Here are two ways to feed four people with – dare I say – only three ears of fresh corn, and some other garden goodness.

Pan-Roasted Corn, Cucumber, Tomato and Mozzarella Salad

This Italy-inspired salad is only as good as the ingredients and demands the freshest produce. It is critical to cook the corn as soon as possible. Don’t take it home and store it in the fridge for a day or two. If you are not going to eat the salad the day you pick or buy the corn, then cook the corn immediately and store the cooked corn in the fridge until you are ready to make the salad.

The recipe calls for “Corno di Toro” peppers. And, yes, I am aware that the pepper in question for the corn salad is called “Corno.” Regardless, the Corno di Toro is a long, Italian heirloom pepper that is both sweet and just a little bit spicy. If you are not growing these, you should be. The plants are easy to cultivate and yield much fruit, which we use in just about everything from omelets to salsa. If you are looking for these peppers in the market, you may need to substitute with any mildly spicy variety, such as anaheim or jalapeno.

Ingredients

3 Ears of Sweet Corn

4 Tomatoes (preferably heirloom, such as Brandywine)

2 Cucumbers

2 Corno di Toro Peppers (seeds removed, thinly sliced)

1 Shallot (thinly sliced)

8oz. Fresh Mozzarella Cheese

5-8 Leaves Fresh Basil (thinly sliced)

4T. Extra Virgin Olive Oil

1T. Balsamic Vinegar

Black Pepper (freshly cracked)

Salt to taste (sea, grey or kosher)

Procedure

Peel away the cornhusks, which can be discarded or saved to make tamales. One at a time, stand each ear of corn on a cutting board that is covered by a clean dish towel and run your knife along the cob, scraping off the kernels. Rotate the cob, and repeat until all the kernels are removed. Do the same for each ear of corn. Reserve the cobs for another use, like making stock. Gather-up the corn kernels in the towel for easy transport and set-aside.

Place a large skillet over medium heat. Add 1 T. of the oil, the thinly sliced shallot and peppers, and all of the corn kernels to the pan. Cook the corn, shallot and pepper for about 5 minutes, stirring often. The corn contains a lot of sugar, and stirring will prevent the sugars from burning. Remove the corn, shallot and peppers from the skillet and spread it out on a sheet pan to cool.

Cut the cucumbers in half, length-wise. This will expose the seeds. Using a teaspoon, scrap the seeds from the cucumbers and discard the seeds. Then, cut the cucumbers into ¼ inch thick half-moons. Slice the mozzarella cheese into similar sized half-moon shapes, as well. Cut the tomatoes into wedges. Slice the basil.

Add the cucumbers, mozzarella, tomatoes, basil, and the cooled corn, shallot and pepper mixture to a large serving bowl. Season with salt and black pepper. Dress with remaining 3 T. of oil and balsamic vinegar.

Serve immediately with fresh crusty bread and a crisp white wine, such as Verdicchio, or a light-bodied red, such as Barbera.

Corn, Potato and Broccoli Soup

This soup is the ultimate “waste not, want not” solution for leftover corncobs and broccoli stems. It relies on the starch in the corncobs and potato for its base and body. The uncooked spinach gives the final product a vibrant green color, and the cilantro and lime emphasize the south-of-the-border roots of both corn and potato.

Ingredients

3 Quarts Spring Water

3 Corn Cobs

1 Russet Potato (peeled and roughly chopped)

3 Broccoli stems (peeled and roughly chopped) or 1 Broccoli crown (roughly chopped)

1 Clove Garlic (minced)

1 Cup Fresh Spinach (chopped)

2 T. Cilantro (chopped)

1 Lime (juice)

White Pepper (freshly cracked)

Salt to taste (sea, grey or kosher)

Procedure

In a stockpot, combine the water, corncobs, potato, broccoli and garlic. Add 4 heavy pinches of salt. Bring to a boil, and reduce the heat to a simmer. Let cook for about 30 minutes, or until the potato and broccoli are soft. Remove from the heat and let cool.

When the soup has cooled, remove the corncobs and discard. Add the spinach, cilantro and limejuice. Transfer to a blender and puree until smooth. Adjust the seasoning to taste. Pass the soup through a sieve for a more refined texture, if desired.

This soup can be served cold in a glass with a twist of lime as a hot-weather faux-aperitif. But, we prefer it served warm in a bowl with a dollop of sour cream, alongside cornbread and a lager-style beer.

Play Farmville and Harvest Real Crops! Seriously!

This looks like more of a mess than a garden, right? I agree. But this weedy bed is going to keep me chock full of tea and spice all winter long, and with very little effort on my part.

What we have here is the result of some mismanaged German chamomile and cilantro. When properly grown and harvested, a chamomile plant will produce white flowers with golden centers that make a lovely relaxing tea either from the dry or fresh flower heads and leaves. I put the leaves of cilantro, one of the earliest spring herbs, in every Mexican dish I make. Both plants are annuals and will not be back next year, unless you play Farmville on Facebook.

It's so simple. All you have to do is diligently plant your chamomile and cilantro plants in spring with the best of intentions. Then, go play Farmville, and get carried away planting imaginary crops and accumulating imaginary livestock. Find others like you, and gift each other limited edition collectibles. Spend all your time begging for parts to build various and sundry outbuildings, while expanding your farm and working yourself up into an absolute frenzy. "Hurry, before time runs out! I only need 3 nails and a wooden board to finish my stable, and if you don't send me more gold pieces I won't be able to trade them for that shamrock castle. Oh God, and then there's the spring eggs! I NEED MORE EGGS!!!!!!!!!!"

Whew! That was intense. You decide to take a breather and step outside only to find that it's three months later, an entire season has passed, and your spouse has taped divorce papers to the seat of your pants hoping that once you pulled your head out of there, that you might notice them. Whatever. Hater. And what about the chamomile and cilantro? The chamomile plant shot up two feet and collapsed onto its side under it's own weight, scattering dried flower heads everywhere. Same goes for the cilantro, except it's topped with clusters of round seeds. (And the seeds of cilantro, by the way, are the spice called "coriander", but you don't know that because there are no options to grow herbs on Farmville, so you buy them from the grocery store for $5 a bottle. That is, of course, when you remember to eat.) Disgusted, you leave them there and return to the house. All that time and work, wasted! Real plants suck. Besides, you need to expand your chicken coop anyway.

In the meantime, Mother Nature and Father Time are texting each other, and making fun of you.

ME: "OMG, I am totally going to screw with Angela! LOL."
FT: "LMAO! I'll help you. Get Brian too."

Sure enough, you pass by your herb patch in October after a day in traffic court - "But I HAD to speed officer! My cranberries were about to wither and I don't have enough Farmville cash to buy the unwither spray!" - and what do you see? Your fallen seeds have formed a fresh crop of baby cilantro and chamomile! Maybe you will have that homemade tea and salsa after all! You go on Facebook (only for a minute!) to update your status about what a great gardener you are, and find out that you are already LAST in your list of friends for collecting limited edition tree ornaments, and Maribeth even has a snowy ground cover already. Oh, no no no. It is ON.

It's a beautiful April morning when you emerge from rehab with only a promise to your sponsor, and a random twitching in your clicker finger that the doctors can't seem to do anything about. Since you're not allowed on Facebook, you'd like to take up real gardening again, but you remember the highs and lows of last year and are hesitant. Remember that time you dug a hole, and put a plant in it, and packed the dirt in around it? The toil and the struggle of it, all in vain? With reluctance, you look at your little herb patch, sure you will see only the animated cartoon version of unplowed land. But instead, you see a scattering of little bits of green. Some are weeds, but some are actual real-life chamomile and cilantro plants! The seeds from last year's mature plants fell to the ground, settled comfortably for the winter, and germinated when conditions were just right. They didn't need you for any part of the process. The symbolism of new beginnings is not lost on you, and you feel invigorated. This time it will be different! All wrongs will be made right! This would make a GREAT blog entry. You run for your camera .....

"LOL, dumbass!" chortles Mother Nature.

Happy gardening to you all, virtual or otherwise!

Laura

[Disclaimer: In the middle of writing this entry, I had to go harvest my grapes before they withered because I'm helping on the "Very Berry Field Trip" co-op job AND I've been saving for the border collie for weeks now! But in my defense, my real life grapes and raspberries also got watered today and my hands currently smell like freshly harvested chamomile flowers. It's the best a gal can do. See you next time!]

The Easiest Way To Organically Remove Dandelion Weeds From Your Garden

Oh, what to do about the evil lurker known, properly known as Taraxacum Officinale? Never mind that dandelion greens are an amazing source of Vitamin A and beta-carotene, and are also rich in Vitamins B, C, D, calcium, iron and other minerals. Ignore that dandelion roots are used in natural medicine as an appetite stimulant, digestive aid, and diuretic. They are horrible nasty little bits of nature that find their way into every nook and cranny of our lawns and gardens. Have you seen the bright yellow flowers they produce in spring? Disgusting!

I treat these noxious little buggers exactly the way they deserve to be treated. Here's my simple process for dandelion weed management the organic way:

Step 1: Assemble your tools - basket, gloves, and scissors/pruners.
Step 2: Step outside, saying loudly to yourself and any neighbors who may be listening, "I AM GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE NOW!"
Step 3: Pull the dandelion up at the base, getting as much of the root as you can. You won't get it all and it hardly matters. Cut off the root and flower stem for the compost pile. Put the flower tops and leaves in the basket.

Congratulations! You've organically removed dandelions from your lawn, and they are halfway read to be put in a pot. "Not fair!" you say. "They will grow back from the root that's left in the ground!" you say. True indeed, but you missed my point. I promised you information on the easiest way to remove "dandelion weeds" from your garden organically. And the easiest way to do that is to rename them "dandelion greens" and call them dinner. Done and done. However, if that does not satisfy you, I suggest you check out this article by radio garden host guru Mike McGrath consisting of actual lawn management tips for dandelion control.

As for those of you who are still reading, I leave you with Tom's basic dandelion (or any other kind of) greens recipe. Last week he made a homemade ricotta gnocchi in a sauce of dandelion greens, shiitake mushrooms and Parmesan cheese - but didn't write down the recipe. When I can get him to recreate it, I'll do another post. In the meantime, here's another great website. Wildman Steve Brill tours, lectures and writes all about foraging for wild foods. Here are a few more of his dandelion recipes. The very first leaves of spring dandelions can be eaten raw or lightly sauteed, but they get progressively more bitter as they get older. The recipe below includes boiling the greens first, which helps soften the stronger late season flavors. Although I haven't tried them yet, googling the phrase "dandelion fritters" will lead you many recipes for battered and deep fried dandelion flowers. Enjoy!

Dandelion Greens Sauteed in Olive Oil and Garlic

2 C. packed dandelion greens, washed and chopped
1/4 C. olive oil
1 garlic clove, sliced or minced
salt, pepper, red pepper to taste

Bring a large pot of water to boil and add salt. Thoroughly wash and pack dandelion greens. Add to boiling water and simmer for about five minutes until the leaves turn bright green. Immediately move greens to an ice water bath to retain the color and continue rinsing. (The boiling and rinsing helps remove the compounds that cause excessive bitterness, especially in dandelion greens that have already produced a flower). Let rest, and add olive oil to a saute pan turned on medium heat. Add garlic and red pepper and saute for a few minutes to release flavor but before garlic browns. Squeeze water out of the dandelion greens and add to saute pan to continue cooking until completely wilted, about 5 to 10 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Garden Like MacGyver: Seed Starting On the Cheap

The answer is "no" to my 80's reference friends who wonder if I will be teaching you how to make a groundhog-killing bomb with duct tape, matches and a q-tip. But why not use Richard Dean Anderson's beloved character as a source of inspiration for taking those garden supply marketers to task? "Buy these exotic seeds to grow under this elaborate and overpriced lighting system! Grow your seeds in these exact containers using expensive supplies that look suspiciously like crap you have sitting around your house!" Would RDA fall for that? Hell, no! He would have solved the problem, got the girl, and started rolling the credits before you could say "additional charges apply due to shipping weight."

I admit, nothing beats the thrill of that first credit card swipe of the season, especially if you are like me and feel that buying said supply is almost the same as completing the project. But all these little doo-dads and accessories add up fast, and many of them are convenient but unnecessary. Here are some of my favorite ways to re-purpose household stuff for use in your early spring gardening projects.

Instead of buying: Ultimate Seed Cart by Territorial Seed Company - $900 + shipping

Build your own from Home Depot supplies:
plastic slotted utility shelving $35
3 4'long fluorescent shop lights plus bulbs $50
twine $3

OK, so mine is uglier. I admit it. But you're growing seeds, not entering a beauty pageant. Plus with the money you save, you could go to the spa ten times and then enter yourself in a beauty pageant. So there.

Instead of: Seed Starting Kits by Jiffy, Burpee, etc. - $10 and up


Use from the recycling bin:
1.) Blueberry and Strawberry plastic domed containers, and aluminum foil baking trays or pie plates OR
2.) replace the berry containers with egg cartons, yogurt cups or last year's seed trays plus plastic wrap


The key to seed starting is creating a warm humid environment, which is why mass produced kits contain a waterproof bottom tray, a perforated seed cell tray, and a clear plastic dome. The same growing conditions can be created with any kind of catch tray on the bottom, and the berry container, which is the seed tray and dome in one. I like these for lettuce mixes and herbs that grow as a patch as opposed to an individual plant. For plants that may need to be transferred to bigger pots before being put in the garden, like tomatoes, use the egg cartons or small yogurt cups with drain holes punched in. This will help protect the root systems during transfer. Cover with the plastic wrap to keep in the moisture until the seeds germinate.

Instead of: Seedling Heat Mat - $20 and up, depending on the size and brand name

Use from around the house: a regular old heating pad

Some seeds, like peppers, need a heat boost to germinate. A heating pad won't have the bells and whistles of a mat made only to germinate seeds, but it will get the job done. And then when you throw your back out planting those peppers, you can watch it all come back full circle. Cool, huh?

Instead of: Adorable Victorian Bell Cloches - $10 to outrageous, depending on size and material

Use from the recycling bin: 2 liter soda bottles with the bottom cut off

Is it ugly? Yes. Is it effective? You betcha! Just like a cloche, the soda bottle makes a mini greenhouse environment and protects the plant from pests. Unscrew the top for air venting. AND when you're done using the soda bottle as a greenhouse, turn it upside down and jam the spout into the dirt at the base of a newly planted perennial or shrub. Fill it water, and let the plant drink the way it wants to - a lot, but slowly. Then, put down the hose, get your own drink, and water yourself at whatever rate and in whatever amounts you choose. Congratulations! You've figured out how to water your plants while doing nothing.

Finally, if you're looking for a way to manage all those seed packets, consider a regular photo album with plastic pockets, like so. With this system, you can alphabetize and organize to your anal retentive heart's content, and still make it fit nicely on a shelf when you're done.
It's possible that the only thing of interest you learned from this entire article is that the carpet in my office is a lovely shade of pink. That's fine. I simply encourage you to do your own MacGyvering the next time you take on a garden project. It can't hurt to save money, save something from a landfill, and save the spirit of his moving theme song from obscurity while you're at it. Thanks, YouTube!

Go Ahead, Anger the Snow Gods - Grow Lemongrass As a Houseplant

Since just muttering the verb form of the word “garden” seems to result in a massive snow assault hailing from our angsty northeastern skies these days, I’m going to have to go ahead and change the name of that act for the purposes of this article. Instead of covering topics related to doing-that-thing-where-you-put- seeds- in- the- ground, I’m going to discuss safer subjects until St. Patrick’s Day when I can hopefully push the snow aside and behave-in- a- supportive- manner- so- as- to- help- small- plants- get- big. You see, if the angry snow monsters who live in the sky think we have lost all hope of ever seeing green grass again, maybe they will think they have won and will relax long enough to take naps, or play a round of dominoes, or do ANYTHING AT ALL other than cause weather forecasters to invent new and creative words to describe way too damn much snow.

That brings me to one of my favorite winter activities – buying lemongrass from the grocery store or Asian food market, using what you need for your recipe, and turning the rest into a houseplant. Lemongrass is, you guessed it, a grassy full-sun plant that grows in zones 9-11 and is essential to Thai cooking. Although it's a bit exotic for your average grocery store, you can find it sold as a somewhat dried stalk in Asian food markets or specialty stores.

Try to buy the freshest stalks with lots of green color and thick bottoms. Even though it looks a bit dried and dead when you buy it, peeling off the outer grass layers will reveal small growth nodes at the base of the plant. All you have to do is use those outermost layers for cooking, trim down the top of the stalk, pop it in a glass of water for a few weeks and wait until a decent root systems establishes. Move it to a pot with a drain hole and indoor potting soil. That’s it! In our zone 6 weather, you can keep it as a houseplant until summer, and then move it to your deck ... or you can even do-that-thing-where-you-dig-a-whole-and-then-take-the-plant-and-put-it-in-there!

DISCLAIMER: My cats take to lemongrass like a frat boy to a keg of Milwaukee's Best. Unless you feel like cleaning up after a feline that can't hold down his or her own herbal refreshments, I suggest you keep your plant out of harm's way.

Here's my hopeful lemongrass with a backdrop of angry snow monster wrath:

And here's my two year old plant, which got started the same way in winter I moved it outside for the summer when I did- that- thing- that- we- all- know- but- won't- be- discussing, and then moved it back inside for the winter.

So go ahead and turn your groceries into plants. Thanks for reading, and happy you-know-what!

From the Cockamamie Schemes Files: Homemade Avocado Moisture Scrub

What's a zone 6 gardener to do in the dead of winter? Good gardeners read new plant books, clean and organize tools, and start shopping from the deluge of seed catalogues that start arriving the second the ball drops. I plan on doing all that too. Soon. But January gardening prep for me is generally comprised of cockamamie schemes and elaborate plans; Thanks to nature, I don't actuallly have to DO anything. Why not take advantage of the vacation time, and turn to other topics?

Forever on my to-do list is this line: "Make natural beauty treatments and home remedies." It's always on the list but I never get around to doing it during prime gardening season. This year might be different though, due to a combination of the plants I bought last year at Well Sweep Herb Farm and my subscription to Herb Companion Magazine. Unfortunately, my herb garden is asleep and I want to start my project now. Thanks to Shop Rite and my love of Mexican food, I finally made my first official home beauty treatment with hilarious, disgusting and ultimately positive results.


Avocado Moisture Scrub

(from "The Herbal Home Spa" by Greta Breedlove)



2-3 fresh avocado pits

1 C. water, milk or yogurt

(makes 1 treatment)



I let the pits air dry for a few days, then gave them a few good whacks with a meat mallet. From there I moved them to our regular food processor for a rough grind, and then a spice mill for a finer grind. I think you could go right to the spice mill from the smashing, if you like. Mix the avocado pits with the base of your choice, and you have yourself an exfoliating, moisturizing face and body scrub. Apply, leave on for 10 minutes, and wash off. Those are the basic instructions from the book. But let me tell you exactly how it worked for me, as well as some important lessons learned.

One, unless you like freezing temperatures, let the stuff come up to room temperature before application. Second, please note that this is a gloopy mess, and prepare accordingly. Third, it turns out that, at least for the variety I purchased, avocado pits become orange once pureed. Perhaps you can see where I'm going with this.

I started out applying the scrub as a face mask while over the sink. Not good. Giant orange gloop drops all over the sink. So I threw a towel down and continued, but to no avail. The gloop had migrated beyond the towel and was leaving orange splotches on the rug and floor. I hopped into the tub (where I should have been in the first place) and resumed scrubbing the arms and legs. The entire tub area promptly became a full fledged mess with orange splatters on the floor and wall; The tracks left by my moving feet made it look like someone has been naked wrestling with the Great Pumpkin. However, there was no turning back at this point as I was almost completely orange by then and busy wondering just how long ten minutes actually is. I probably lasted most of the ten minutes, and the shower afterward was a sweet reward ... although that water seemed to be moving down the drain awfully slowly. Ah, yes. One of those plastic drain covers would have been in order PRIOR to the water being run. Time to look on the bright side: the drain was always slow, the bathroom needed to be cleaned anyway, and this is some good blog fodder.

As I observed my orange path of destruction across the bathroom, I came to the following assessment: It was worth it. The scrub was amazingly soft for an exfoliator and putting it on was like getting a lumpy massage. I hate those sugar body scrubs because they feel like they are just scratching the skin. It really really worked as a moisturizer too, and it would probably make a great hair mask. And since I can't find any other use for an avocado pit except sprouting it to make a houseplant, it's a perfect solution for using an unusable item. In the future, I believe I will halve the recipe and use it as a hair/hand/face mask instead of a full body scrub disaster.

Am I daunted by being forced into cleaning a bathroom I had no desire to clean? Am I giving up my DIY pharmacy dreams? No! There's a whole internet full of weirdos just like me dishing out recipes for this kind of stuff. And if you are one of those weirdos and have a homemade concoction for me to try, email me at laurasglassart@verizon.net.